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Honestly Lisa

♥Honestly Lisa is a Pu Pu Platter of my life. Once a week I will conduct(formal I know) interviews with everyone from family,, guru's, exboyfriends, childhood friends, thought leaders and maybe even Oprah in search of who I am and what I'm supposed to be. when I grow up. There is salty language, talk of sex , feelings, and spiritual stuff. So you may not want to listen in front of the kids or your coworkers. Love Bites are audio clips based on real conversations from my love life, featuring my friend Robbie Rist, who plays every man who has graced my path. Men Are People Too, where I interview a variety of men; comedians, actors, musicians, artists, writers, computer programmers, yoga guru's, to gain a sometimes hilarious and sometimes serious perspective on how men see love, sex and relationships from their side of the ship. Ladies, you will learn so much about men! Listen in and hear the truth. And sometimes I will just share random musings on life, love, fashion and food or anything else that strike my fancy. And that’s the magpie.
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Now displaying: July, 2016
Jul 27, 2016

Today I needed to just touch base with you and give you an old chestnut.

 

Are we moving forward? Am I grown up yet!!!!

 

Can you participate? Am I to needy?

 

This is a little recap of my podcast journey to finding me so far, with a wild over share of my sex life and my heart.

 

Help me on my quest! Who do YOU think I should interview next?

 

“What is my meal that I want to feed to the World?” - Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa 

 

Who am I? Can you tell me?

 

“I digress into smelliness.” - Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa 

 

Previously on Honestly Lisa:

 

070: I Married My High-School Sweetheart feat. Lee Cuellar

068: Reloaded feat. Paula Killen

066: He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother! feat. Haris and Mike Orkin

064: Political Activism on Speed Dial feat. Jane Edith Wilson

062: I’m Not Lazy, I’m Self Employed feat. Antonio Sacre

060: Can Hypnotherapy Save Lisa from Her Procrastination Problem? feat. Carmen Isais

058: Can You be Mediocre and Still be Successful? Sheep are Happy Too feat. Nikki Tanyika Lewis

056: Love Your Bad Thoughts, Like a Piece of Chocolate feat. Melody Park Shin

054: Doctor it Hurts When I Do This feat. Philippe Coudoux

052: Instructions for Breathing feat. Rina Jakubowicz

050: How Do You Want to Die? feat. Dr. Martha Joe Atkins

048: Who’s in Charge Here? feat. Share Ross

046: Are You There God? It’s me Lisa feat. Rabbi Jim Kaufman

044: Love Your Inner Cat Lady because She’s A Goddess feat. Renee Starr

042: A Primal Scream feat. Suzanne Whang

“I drink green drinks, why can’t I find a normal man?!” -Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa 

 

I call the story at the end, Jesus and handcuffs: What’s my Pez?

 

“My curiously minty vagina spoke for me.” -Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa #altoid

 

“Do you ever have fantasies of tying your lovers up and performing Altoid cunnilingus?” -Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa 

 

Jul 26, 2016

========================================

Welcome to Love Bites!

 

Love Bites are based on real conversations from my Love Life.

 

http://www.honestlylisa.com

 

What do you want in a relationship?? Let us know in the comments below and don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

========================================­­===

Love Bite's are from Honestly Lisa the comedy blog for women only.

 

Starring Robbie Rist and Lisa Orkin

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

 

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/

Jul 20, 2016

070: I Married My High-School Sweetheart feat. Lee Cuellar

 

“time made me stronger, you're no longer on my mind”

Boyz II Men

 

I interviewed my ex-husband… wanted dig into his head to see if there were clues to my quest to find me. And find his take on our marriage. I think I was not as kind to him and was really about getting as opposed to giving. It could have been youth but really I had a lot of growing up to do.

 

We were married 18 years.

Dated for 2 officially and were together for 4 years.

Separated twice and divorced once.

And finally ended in 2000.

And we still talk.



Met at Kaleidoscope Disco, I asked him to dance. He said no.

 

I am such a dork I thought his name was Woody for weeks.

 

A relationship built on bickering and great sex. I should send a bill for house training him.

 

Lee moved back to Jersey when we were 16. When we dropped him off at the airport this Alice Cooper song came on and we both got teary eyed.

 

The Alice Cooper song I referenced in the show was You and Me, but the song that actually played I think was How You Gonna See Me Now?

 

Visited him in New York and we got into Studio 54!

 

First place we lived was a crime scene apartment in Germany. There were numbers on the couch from the crime scene. Creepy.

 

Lee was watching the Olympics, I decided to put on something sexy. He couldn’t stop laughing for a solid 10 minutes. Never again.

 

We decided to have a baby, went to Greece and drank Ouzo and she was conceived.

 

Perpetual chainsmokers that we were, we managed to both quit smoking when the rabbit died.

 

“Wait until she’s a teenager, then she’ll really start shitting on you.” -Grandma Bunny #honestlylisa 

 

Got a puppy right before having a baby, not the brightest idea to have a puppy and a baby at the same time.

 

I was probably fired 10 times in the first 10 years of our marriage, but I insisted on private school for our daughter.

 

I don’t know how we managed to keep our marriage together, I was a terrible housekeeper, couldn’t keep a job, and never wanted to have sex.

 

“Wow, was I mesmerized by her pussy!” -Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa

 

Our dog Sidney ran away, and she was gone for like 3 months. Then I found her at the pound by accident one day. I lost my mind, Sidney lost her mind!

 

When I met Lee’s new wife at our daughter’s graduation, I had just gone spelunking and my legs were covered in bruises and scrapes. There she was, looking perfectly put together and there I was in a sundress and cowboy boots and bloody legs.

 

Lee set me on the path to be a comedian, about 5 years into our marriage he turned to me and said “Wow, you’re really funny!”.

 

We separated once and got back together. The second time we separated it was hellacious.

It ended really hideously, but it needed to so we could both grow.

 

“You can’t put the shit back in the donkey.” -Lee Cuellar #honestlylisa 

 

Did a musical together while living in Germany - The Boyfriend

 

“Live your life, and be happy.” -Lee Cuellar’s advice to his daughter #honestlylisa

Questions for Lee:

 

If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be?

Lee: Elvis or Teddy Roosevelt.

How do you see yourself dying?

Lee: Underneath the wife, screwed to death.

 

What is your favorite bush?

Lee: A carefully trimmed one.

 

“Knock it off or I’m going to hide your teeth!” A loving exchange between Lee’s Mom and Dad #honestlylisa 


We eloped and were married by a Joyce Bulifant look alike in a little White Chapel in Vegas. We couldn’t afford Elvis. Didn’t tell my parents until they found my marriage certificate. Whoops.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly Lisa is an audio road trip through my soul... or just an excuse to talk to people to help figure out who I am at 53ish.

I talk to everyone from ex-boyfriends, lovers, family member to comedians, writers, filmmakers, mystics, guru's in the hopes of finding a path that feels right for my life.

My hope is in my quest for enlightenment/happiness/peace/contentment my conversations will help you feel better about your life.

I love comments and feedback! And don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

Please feel free to share and leave a comment on itunes. I love when you do!

 

========================================­­===

 

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/

 

Jul 19, 2016

========================================

Welcome to Love Bites!

 

Love Bites are based on real conversations from my Love Life.

 

http://www.honestlylisa.com

 

What do you want in a relationship?? Let us know in the comments below and don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

========================================­­===

Love Bite's are from Honestly Lisa the comedy blog for women only.

 

Starring Robbie Rist and Lisa Orkin

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/


Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/

Jul 13, 2016

“You can carry nothing really easily.” -Paula Killen

Charity Event the second Monday of every month called “Write Club”

 

-Paula dated a guy who shared a birthday with Ronald Reagan. On his birthday he decided he wanted to piss on Reagan’s grave, so he brought a bottle of pee to pour on his grave. Then they ran.

-Michael was bad as a boyfriend but Jim was worse.

-Your partnership is a mirror of where you’re at in life

-It was 10 year relationship where the guy couldn’t commit. And then he did and I didn't.

-Lisa lost her sense of humor in the breakup with Jim

-Paula took 5 years off of dating...

“To have someone who looked after me was like the coziest sweater.” -Paula Killen 

-Don’t watch the news, just makes you sad and angry

-Sometimes I feel like I just want to run away

-Paula asks: “Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t attracted to?”

-Sex in your dreams has to be better than real sex

-Younger girls are intrinsically willing to compromise, they want to be the girl that’s cool with everything.

-Don’t do The Moth


“Oh, she’s so much more interesting than her picture.” -Lisa on first seeing Paula

-My mom used to say, rip up those ugly pictures, so when people look back at you they can go look how pretty she was.

-There has been a man masturbating on my lawn in the mornings.

Links:

Xanax

Bikram Yoga

Girls

Orange is the New Black

Late Show with David Letterman

The Comedy Store

VEEP

Enlightened

Transparent

Dreyfus Fund

iO West Improv

 

Name Dropping:

 

Janet Reno

Bernie Sanders

Hillary Clinton

Gloria Steinem

Louis C.K

Woody Allen

Jay Leggett

Roseanne Barr

Sarah Silverman

Maria Bamford

Amy Schumer

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Marc Maron

Laura Dern

Wanda Sykes

Norman Lear

Robbie Rist

Dick Orkin

Jill Soloway

Eileen Myles

Cherry Jones

Jack Nicholson

Angelica Huston

Adam Goldberg

Dweezil Zappa

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly Lisa is an audio road trip through my soul... or just an excuse to talk to people to help figure out who I am at 53ish.

I talk to everyone from ex-boyfriends, lovers, family member to comedians, writers, filmmakers, mystics, guru's in the hopes of finding a path that feels right for my life.

My hope is in my quest for enlightenment/happiness/peace/contentment my conversations will help you feel better about your life.

I love comments and feedback! And don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

Please feel free to share and leave a comment on itunes. I love when you do!

 

========================================­­===

 

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/


 

Jul 12, 2016

========================================

Welcome to Love Bites!

 

Love Bites are based on real conversations from my Love Life.

 

http://www.honestlylisa.com

 

What do you want in a relationship?? Let us know in the comments below and don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

========================================­­===

Love Bite's are from Honestly Lisa the comedy blog for women only.

 

Starring Robbie Rist and Lisa Orkin

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/


Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/

Jul 6, 2016

I talked to my brothers this week!  Who knows me better? Really!

They were forthright with opinions and I am not sure they know me that well. Or do they?

They are funny and charming and full of thoughts about my life and why I am who I am.

Haris is the oldest and yes he spells it with one R. My parents did not know it was spelled with two,

Mike is between us both… I am not the baby though, there is one more of us.

We played houdini growing up and they tortured me and teased me! And they love me very much. I love them!

I think there is great insight in this podcast no matter who your siblings are… at some point my brothers forget we are recording and you get to peer in like a fly on the wall.

They would always help me out of a pickle!

“Success and failure are brothers, they become who they are because they never believed in each other.” Kingston Ahaneku

Show Notes:

-James Bond

-Nehru Jackets

-Marty Feldman

-Madonna

“Noodles and Milk is like, noodles with milk in it…” -Mike Orkin #honestlylisa

Vocabulary Words:

-Dyscalculia

-Spinal Meningitis

 

What is your favorite bush?

Haris: Azalea

Mike: The Hanukkah Bush

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly Lisa is an audio road trip through my soul... or just an excuse to talk to people to help figure out who I am at 53ish.

I talk to everyone from ex-boyfriends, lovers, family member to comedians, writers, filmmakers, mystics, guru's in the hopes of finding a path that feels right for my life.

My hope is in my quest for enlightenment/happiness/peace/contentment my conversations will help you feel better about your life.

I love comments and feedback! And don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

Please feel free to share and leave a comment on itunes. I love when you do!

 

========================================­­===

 

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/



Jul 5, 2016

========================================

Welcome to Love Bites!

 

Love Bites are based on real conversations from my Love Life.

 

http://www.honestlylisa.com

 

What do you want in a relationship?? Let us know in the comments below and don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

========================================­­===

Love Bite's are from Honestly Lisa the comedy blog for women only.

 

Starring Robbie Rist and Lisa Orkin

Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

 

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaorkin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lisaannorkin

Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisaorkin

Pinterest:http://www.pinterest.com/lisaorkin/

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