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Honestly Lisa


Welcome to Honestly Lisa The Poo Poo Plater of my life.

Honestly Lisa is an ever-evolving podcast.

So far there a few different podcasts in one.

Men Have Feelings Too- Interviews with groups of men mostly comedians looking for men's feelings.

Love Bites- Recreations of actual conversations from my love life. They are mini RomComs.

Honestly Lisa In search of Lisa- Interviews with everyone from my ex-husband to JP Sears to find myself.

Dear Bunny & Dick- A daily chat with my dead parents. 

Jul 20, 2016

070: I Married My High-School Sweetheart feat. Lee Cuellar

 

“time made me stronger, you're no longer on my mind”

Boyz II Men

 

I interviewed my ex-husband… wanted dig into his head to see if there were clues to my quest to find me. And find his take on our marriage. I think I was not as kind to him and was really about getting as opposed to giving. It could have been youth but really I had a lot of growing up to do.

 

We were married 18 years.

Dated for 2 officially and were together for 4 years.

Separated twice and divorced once.

And finally ended in 2000.

And we still talk.



Met at Kaleidoscope Disco, I asked him to dance. He said no.

 

I am such a dork I thought his name was Woody for weeks.

 

A relationship built on bickering and great sex. I should send a bill for house training him.

 

Lee moved back to Jersey when we were 16. When we dropped him off at the airport this Alice Cooper song came on and we both got teary eyed.

 

The Alice Cooper song I referenced in the show was You and Me, but the song that actually played I think was How You Gonna See Me Now?

 

Visited him in New York and we got into Studio 54!

 

First place we lived was a crime scene apartment in Germany. There were numbers on the couch from the crime scene. Creepy.

 

Lee was watching the Olympics, I decided to put on something sexy. He couldn’t stop laughing for a solid 10 minutes. Never again.

 

We decided to have a baby, went to Greece and drank Ouzo and she was conceived.

 

Perpetual chainsmokers that we were, we managed to both quit smoking when the rabbit died.

 

“Wait until she’s a teenager, then she’ll really start shitting on you.” -Grandma Bunny #honestlylisa 

 

Got a puppy right before having a baby, not the brightest idea to have a puppy and a baby at the same time.

 

I was probably fired 10 times in the first 10 years of our marriage, but I insisted on private school for our daughter.

 

I don’t know how we managed to keep our marriage together, I was a terrible housekeeper, couldn’t keep a job, and never wanted to have sex.

 

“Wow, was I mesmerized by her pussy!” -Lisa Orkin #honestlylisa

 

Our dog Sidney ran away, and she was gone for like 3 months. Then I found her at the pound by accident one day. I lost my mind, Sidney lost her mind!

 

When I met Lee’s new wife at our daughter’s graduation, I had just gone spelunking and my legs were covered in bruises and scrapes. There she was, looking perfectly put together and there I was in a sundress and cowboy boots and bloody legs.

 

Lee set me on the path to be a comedian, about 5 years into our marriage he turned to me and said “Wow, you’re really funny!”.

 

We separated once and got back together. The second time we separated it was hellacious.

It ended really hideously, but it needed to so we could both grow.

 

“You can’t put the shit back in the donkey.” -Lee Cuellar #honestlylisa 

 

Did a musical together while living in Germany - The Boyfriend

 

“Live your life, and be happy.” -Lee Cuellar’s advice to his daughter #honestlylisa

Questions for Lee:

 

If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be?

Lee: Elvis or Teddy Roosevelt.

How do you see yourself dying?

Lee: Underneath the wife, screwed to death.

 

What is your favorite bush?

Lee: A carefully trimmed one.

 

“Knock it off or I’m going to hide your teeth!” A loving exchange between Lee’s Mom and Dad #honestlylisa 


We eloped and were married by a Joyce Bulifant look alike in a little White Chapel in Vegas. We couldn’t afford Elvis. Didn’t tell my parents until they found my marriage certificate. Whoops.

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Honestly Lisa is an audio road trip through my soul... or just an excuse to talk to people to help figure out who I am at 53ish.

I talk to everyone from ex-boyfriends, lovers, family member to comedians, writers, filmmakers, mystics, guru's in the hopes of finding a path that feels right for my life.

My hope is in my quest for enlightenment/happiness/peace/contentment my conversations will help you feel better about your life.

I love comments and feedback! And don't forget to check out honestlylisa.com, there is much more.

 

Please feel free to share and leave a comment on itunes. I love when you do!

 

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Recorded at Double RR Studios: http://doublerrstudios.com/

Go download my free eBook, BE SILLY NOW! http://honestlylisa.com/free-ebook/

 

Website: http://www.honestlylisa.com

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